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My re-reading of the sex manuals, some in newer editions, confirms what Lewis and Brissett wrote over ten years ago, and also suggests that men are still believed to be the sexual experts, who should be able to guide, instruct, and educate their women into better sex, provided the woman is complaisant, relatively receptive, and ready to be instructed.

They also imply that although sex can be seen as work it is also pleasurable, which most work often is not. This creates a dilemma in the mind of some men who place a high value on work and a lower value on pleasure. It seems morally wrong to them to devote much time to a pleasurable activity, when so much ‘real’ work needs to be done. The files brought home from the office have to be read; the boat has to be painted; the car has to be washed; the lawn has to be cut; the rubbish has to be put out; exercise – golf, tennis, squash, or jogging – has to be taken; the children have to be watched playing organized sport; and sex is relegated to something done when all these important matters have been completed. The result may be that the man only reaches sex when he is tired, or has other things on his mind. He does not want sex for mutual enjoyment but only to get rid of his sexual tension and if necessary to satisfy his partner as quickly as possible.

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The third and shortest phase of the sexual cycle is the orgasmic phase. Once a man has reached this phase there is no way of stopping. Come what may, he is going to ejaculate. Although the higher brain centres are involved in orgasm, no voluntary control can prevent a man from ejaculating once he has reached this stage, so that orgasm resembles a reflex.

The first part of the orgasmic phase is one which lasts less than 3 seconds, during which the man knows that he is going to ejaculate. Inside his genital tract, his prostate gland, and perhaps his seminal vesicles, have begun to contract, forcing seminal fluid into the deepest part of his urethra, which stretches to accommodate the 2 to 5 ml of seminal fluid and the added secretions from his prostate gland. At the same time the entrance from the urethra to the bladder has been closed, so that the seminal fluid cannot escape backwards into it.

The erection nerves end in the walls of the arteries which supply lood to the penis, and the impulses cause the arteries to become wider, so that an increased amount of blood flows into the penis. Normally, blood flows in and out of the penis at a steady rate, but if the penis is sexually stimulated, the blood flows in faster than it flows out, and an erection results. You can appreciate this better if you can imagine a hollow plastic cylinder shaped like a penis, closed at one end and filled with sponge. If you dip the open end of the model in water it will rapidly become heavier and stiffer. This state will continue as long as the liquid remains in the cylinder.

This is what happens when the arteries supplying blood to the penis dilate. Blood flows in, and the sponge-like cylinders of the penis become engorged with blood so that it becomes firm, stiff, and erect.

In some diseases, such as diabetes, the blood-vessels which supply the penile cylinders may become narrowed (or atherosclerotic). These damaged blood-vessels are unable to dilate in spite of parasympathetic nerve stimulation and the man is unable to achieve an erection – in other words he has erectile impotence.

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The sex drive is only one of the components of sexual responsiveness. It is the emotional power-house which needs to be translated into the capacity to perform and then into the actual performance. It is both innate, that is biologically determined, and learned, that is determined by experiences.

Sexual drive is not the same as sexual capacity, that is the ability to enjoy sex. The sex drive tells you what you want to do; sexual capacity is what you are able to do. Because of this distinction, psychological problems may arise when the drive powers an inadequate capacity (as in impotence) or results in an inadequate performance, as assessed by oneself or by others (as in premature or delayed ejaculation in men and in lack of orgasm in women). The strength of a person’s sex drive may also lead to psychological problems if one partner’s drive does not relate closely to that of the other, and the couple are unable to talk about their problem frankly. Usually a compromise is reached, and the urgency of the drive is sublimated, but this may not occur and the individual becomes tense and hung-up.

Although masturbation is now accepted as normal and petting is permitted, sexual intercourse between adolescents remains a matter of considerable concern both to parents and to the adolescents themselves. While some parents accept that their children will have sexual intercourse and only seek to suggest that it is sexually damaging and irresponsible to put the girl in danger of becoming pregnant, or of either partner becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease, most parents disapprove of pre-marital sexual intercourse, especially for girls.

This creates a dilemma for many adolescents. Their parents’ values about sex may differ considerably from those of their peers, and when the parent is perceived as being non-permissive, the adolescent is increasingly influenced by the values of his peers which are likely to be more permissive. This can cause guilt about deceiving parents, and fear should the parents find out. Many parents promote and instil values which reduce sexual permissiveness; many peer values, and the emotional experiences of dating, promote sexual permissiveness.