0
Here are some reasons why parents and children often find themselves involved in a struggle about sleep:
1. Resisting going to bed and waking during the night are so common in the toddler and preschool age groups that they should be considered perfectly normal developmental behaviours.
2. One of the developmental tasks of the toddler is to engage in a power struggle with his parents. This includes struggles around bedtime and sleep habits. Toddlers seem to be constantly engaged in testing the limits, in pressing parents’ buttons.
3. All parents are more vulnerable in the middle of the night, so the best laid plans inevitably come unstuck. What seems a perfectly reasonable strategy when discussed during the day doesn’t seem nearly so practical in the middle of the night. Many parents take the easy option. Rather than fight with their tough, indefatigable toddler, they find it is easier to give in and let him get into their bed. One can always start the plan the next night.
4. There is very often disagreement between the parents about the best way to handle the problem, and a lot of blaming as well. Any management strategy for sleep problems has no chance of success until both parents agree that there is a problem, that now is the time to do something about it, and that the strategy they agree on initially needs to be implemented with equal commitment by both of them. Many professionals insist on seeing both parents when working out a management plan for sleep problems and other behaviour problems.
is a reflection of their competence as parents — ‘If I were a good parent, then my child would not have sleep problems’. One of the essential first tasks is to understand that this is simply not so. In any struggle with a toddler, the toddler will always win unless the parents have a consistent strategy. Winning strategies are surprisingly easy to learn — many parents initially think them too simple to have any chance to be effective — but they are more difficult to implement. This is discussed also in the section on management of behaviour problems.
Some of the techniques described below may seem drastic or even cruel. Parents should be reassured that they have been used successfully all over the world with countless youngsters with no untoward effects. Some parents who initially seek help decide not to persist with these suggestions once they know the details, either because they feel they are too harsh, or because they do not want to put in the time and effort and especially the persistence that are essential for the strategy to work, or because they decide that the sleep problems are not such a great problem after all. The strategies suggested here may not be needed for a child who has occasional sleep problems. In these instances the parents may be happy to tolerate some inconvenience. They are particularly relevant for problems that are severe and longstanding, and where parents really do want to put a stop to them.
*159\90\8*
Back to top